March Madness

...and no, I don't mean the basketball playoffs! Things have been so.. well I was going to say things have been so crazy around here that the month just flew by, but really things have been no different than usual. That's LIFE! That's my problem I think, more than anything. I KNOW what food I should and shouldn't be eating. I KNOW I need to use more calories than I take in, and I KNOW that the calories I take in matter (as in, I know I can't just have a high calorie chocolate binge and not eat the rest of the day because it won't all work out!) For me it's more because of not making time, not making this thing (weightloss), not making ME a priority. It's really hard! I mean, I know they all say, you have to make time for yourself so you can be fit for your family.. blah blah blah. Really, how do you do that when someone needs to pick them up from sports, and someone needs to get supper on, and someone needs to put the laundry on, then fold the clothes, then make sure they get to the kids' rooms and then ACTUALLY get put away in the drawers or else you end up washing clean clothes again!!! And not to mention changing baby diapers and oh yeah, nursing the baby!! SHeesh! I WANT to put myself first, I WANT to go get my nails done, I even WANT to go for a walk at night... or morning. I just can't seem to actually DO it.

Here's my excuse bag: I feel gung-ho and motivated in the mornings. Unfortunately, I can't just think of myself in the AM. I want to get up and go for a walk (and work into a run, but right now I just don't like running!) but moments after my feet hit the floor, I have to get 5 kids up for school and breakfast and lunches made, while still juggling the two babies that need diaper changes, and someone to dress them, and then breakfast for them as well, not to mention the nursing again. I know these are all excuses.. and I know that 'if you want it badly enough, you'll find a way' but that's where I am right now. I want this SO badly.. I just feel really guilty if I sacrifice time that my kids NEED for myself. And before anyone says it, let me just say that the whole waking up at 6am to work out.. doesn't happen. I did it for about 3 weeks in January, and the last week I kinda fizzed out from lack of sleep. With what goes on in this house, I'm lucky to get to bed before midnight even though I'd like to be in bed before 11 (at 10 preferably). I just can't seem to function on 6 hours sleep. I end up exhausted and falling asleep at the mid afternoon feeding when I'm trying to put the baby to sleep. Maybe that has something to do with my nutrition but I don't know. I feel tired that time of day regardless of what I've eaten.


On another note, I'm trying to get the exercise in. Last night, the family went for a long walk after dinner. The down side is that our walk took us to Dairy Queen, and most of the family got a ride home. :( However, myself, and the two babies (in the stroll) and the two oldest girls (who were on bikes) did walk/bike back home, and it was a good time, we were having lots of fun and laughing a lot. So I don't know if I ended that excursion with positive or negative calories. Oh well.. Off to do some dishes. Maybe I'll fit a walk in there before bed. *sigh*